Friday
Apr262013

Peace Begins at Home!

I have been blessed, recently, to work with a couple going through the beginning stages of divorce.  Doesn’t that sound weird – blessed to do this?  However, it is the greatest gift to help people communicate with one another especially when they are in a painful and angry state.  It’s like literally seeing peace being created right before my eyes.  In this case, as I sat with this couple in their home – there was a little, hand-made sign taped to the staircase located right where we were talking.  The sign stated “Peace Begins at Home.”  It’s something most of us have heard, but how many have had the privilege of actually seeing it come to life right before our eyes? Especially in a divorce situation?  I, myself, came from a divorced situation and it was UGLY!  My parents didn’t have the skills to know how to connect and there was no such thing as Non Violent Communication (NVC) to help them learn and apply such skills. 

When I mediate between two “warring factions” – my job is to help us all connect, not necessarily to agree but to connect.  Yet, what does that actually mean – to connect? Recently, I revisited a definition of connection by Brene’ Brown that I think is perfect.  “Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued, when they can give and receive without judgment.”  Imagine being in a conflict or going through divorce and having interactions where you feel seen, heard, and valued, where you are safe from judgment and able to hear the other person with an open heart.  This is no BS; the work that I do is all about making that happen and giving people the skills to do so on an ongoing basis. I create connection by helping individuals stick to the facts and talk about what they are feeling and needing and getting them to hear each other at a heart level.  It is actually possible – even in the most painful situations.

This weekend, on a heaven-on-earth spring day, I drove away from this couple’s house after working with them, blaring my radio in celebration.  I was celebrating their connection and the possibility it holds for them and their children, and I was celebrating the possibility it has for all of us to create more peace on earth, even in some of the toughest situations.  One last note… peace is an ongoing journey.  This coming into connection is a dance, an ebb and flow – it takes work and commitment, but it’s a choice that each of us has in every second, in every interaction, in every circumstance.  Are you ready to do the work of peace?

 

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