Wednesday
May152013

How can Yellow Roses Make the difference between Full and Empty?

“All Conflict is a Tragic Expression of an Unmet Need.” That’s one of my favorite quotes from Marshall Rosenberg the founder of NVC … and we learn in the NVC process that so much of our conflict occurs because we become attached to having our needs met in one way, by one particular person or one particular thing – when in reality there is a whole world of ways to meet our needs.  A student/friend of mine recently shared a moving experience that really brings this point home.

This same student is going through the early stages of divorce and has been quite sad regarding the need for love in her life.  After all, when going through a breakup, it’s very easy to get caught up in thoughts such as “What’s wrong with me?   I will never have true love in my life.  Love doesn’t really exist, etc.” 

One morning, this woman, a teacher, walked into her classroom and found a huge empty, green vase sitting on her desk.  Her co-worker came in and said, gently, “I’m guessing that your life may seem a lot like this vase at the moment – just really big, overwhelming, green, and empty.  But you never know what God's plan is for your life… just like that vase.  You never know what might come along and fill up the emptiness.”  Then the co-worker left.

Next thing she knew, a former student came to my teacher friend’s door with a yellow rose in hand.  He said it was for her and put it in the vase.  Then 20 minutes later, another student showed up with a yellow rose, and so on for the next few hours, every 15 or 20 minutes another past student would come by with a yellow flower in hand and present it to this woman.  Before too long, the empty vase was completely filled up with beautiful yellow roses. 

My friend’s heart was chock-full with love, gratitude, and joy.  She related to me that it was such a powerful experience regarding the NVC idea that our needs can be met in more than one way.  I think it was an empowering moment for her to know that she can create love in her life (and really meet any of her own needs) even while going through a painful divorce.  I believe when people understand this concept it provides a lot more freedom and flow in one’s life – and allows more ease in most of our relationships because we no longer have to cling to a specific person to meet all of our needs.  Hallelujah for that epiphany!

Where can you look to meet your own needs?  Who loves you and wants to demonstrate that loving support you need but have not yet asked for?  How can you nurture your self and your spirit?  What practice can you begin (meditation, yoga, bubble baths, inspirational readings, a class, a hobby?) that will help fill you up?

I wish you more peace and connection in your life, and that's why I do what I do.  Join me - us - won't you?

 

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